Core values of Charles Michael Financial – Resilience, Education & Discipline. Here are 5 Elements of Resilience.
Re*sil*ience (noun) – the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.
It was late in the evening on a Friday night. The sun had given way to a deep blackness and the clouds covered any visibility of the stars overhead. An annoying misty rain fell on us without any sign of letting up.
Every member of class # 502, the number assigned to my Basic Deputy U.S. Marshals Academy unit, was in the lean-and-rest push up position awaiting the next command. We held with backs straight and hands extended in the soaked and muddy grass, sweat and rain mixing in a dance and then falling off our foreheads. We were the only class in the grassy courtyard next to the gymnasium at the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center in Glynco, Georgia. None of us made a sound, which made it that much easier to hear the laughter and conversation coming from the campus G-Bar a few hundred yards away…that was the on-base government watering hole where many of the other agencies had retired for an early start of billiards, kinship and a few cold beers.
Not us. The day wasn’t over yet…and we didn’t know when it would end. We had already been hard at PT (Physical Training) for nearly two straight hours. The instructor, a former naval officer who earned the nickname, “The Hammer”, quietly walked the line as he stared intently waiting for someone to break their position. His demeanor and voice were controlled, and his words were intentional:
“You only have each other. There is no one else out here. Any friends you have from other agencies are already starting their weekend. Get used to it. No one will feel sorry for you. Learn to stop feeling sorry for yourself. That’s what it means to be a part of the oldest federal law enforcement agency in the United States.
You will be asked to do things that others can’t or won’t want to do. You’ll be asked to risk your life for the man or woman next to you…and they will be asked to risk their life for you. Be sure you still want to do this. No one is coming for you. You only have each other”.
Our small flashlights lit up the ground in front of us and beyond that small circle of light was simple darkness. As he spoke, we could see the resilience in his eyes and feel it in his energy. We held the flashlights in our mouths because our hands were otherwise occupied holding up our exhausted bodies. Some started shaking as muscle fatigue set in. A few grunted as they gave themselves an internal pep talk to keep fighting.
That day is seared into my psyche. If our lives are made up of pivotal moments that shape who we are, this was one of those moments for me…for us. I could feel any thoughts of sadness for myself slipping into the cool night air. I was learning to stop feeling sorry for myself. Little pieces of my old self were falling off. A new skin of strength and resilience covered me…and my classmates.
The 5 elements of resilience generally help us survive stress in our lives. Every element exists, or doesn’t, in various levels within us. Think of a truck with five different gas tanks. When it’s time for that truck to go to work, it has to draw from each of those five gas tanks onboard. Those individual tanks are filled to different levels. This is based upon our life experience and whether we have worked to “fill up” the tanks so to speak.
Thus, each tank has varying levels of fuel that increases or decreases during our lives. Some of our tanks are half-full. A few tanks are barely full. Finally, some tanks may be almost completely full. It depends on what we’ve been through our life and how we have chosen to challenge ourselves. For it’s the challenges…mental, physical, emotional and spiritual that fill up…or don’t…those tanks.
The goal of becoming more and more resilient is to fill up those tanks as full as possible. To be ready for that which life will inevitably throw at us. Money isn’t an easy topic. It will test our resilience. The topic of money is full of challenges. Mental, emotional and otherwise. You name it and our understanding of and use of money can be tied to a myriad of states of the human condition. That can make the management of money quite a challenge. Our goal, together, is to understand these elements. We want to try to master them in our daily life. I struggle with these elements as much as you. But I’ve learned a few things along the journey that may help you. For this journey, you are not alone. Here are the commonly understood 5 elements of resilience that forge our armor:
1. Self-Awareness
This is the understanding and the perception of yourself. I’d call it your emotional IQ. In the Marshals Service we take personality assessments that help us understand how to communicate better. My friend, and one of the best leaders I’ve ever worked with and for, is Deputy U.S. Marshal Wesley Brewster. He’s one of the instructors of our emotional IQ classes. His leadership style, based on servant leadership, helps individuals learn to be more cognizant of their thoughts, beliefs, and motivations. That, in turn, directly affects what comes out of your mouth…or affects what you do…your actions. This means we need to tuck away Mister or Misses Ego and get comfortable with our own biases and weaknesses. It’s ok to take time to explore who we are and what our weaknesses are. This is the only way we learn how to build upon them.
What Can I Do Better: Recognize when stress creeps in and do the things I know are in my wheelhouse to relieve that stress…workouts, runs, quiet time to myself. Don’t make silly purchases to make myself feel better and justify it by thinking that I “deserve” it. Instead, I should center myself and not act off the cuff so that I can create some distance between the frustrating event and when I have to speak or act on it.
What Can You Do?
2. Mindfulness
This is the “put the phone down” element. One of the sharpest guys in the service was Deputy U.S. Marshal Bryan Konig. But I didn’t just admire his brains for all things Marshal-related. It was the simple fact that whenever I spoke to him, he was ALWAYS looking at me. If he was finishing a text or an email, he’d simply say, “just give me a second and I’ll be right with you”. Then he’d finish and I’d have his full attention. Texts could ding and reminders could ring, but Bryan was an expert at ignoring all of the noise once he was locked onto whatever we were talking about. It was refreshing to actually connect with him and not feel like I was competing with the electronic world for his attention.
The lesson was…BE IN THE MOMENT. Self-awareness is the ability to give your attention to another in the here and now. It’s also choosing a single priority (not multiple) for the moment you are in. Ask yourself, am I choosing to do that which is the highest and best use of my time right now? Am I saying “no” to good opportunities so that I can make time for the great opportunities that will truly move the needle in my life? Am I doing things for the right reasons…will it help our cause or help others?
What Can I Do Better: Slow down and actively listen to the person in front of me. Do my best to give them my full attention in a sincere attempt to make them feel heard and understood. Understanding someone’s financial goals means listening to both what they are saying and what is not being said.
What Can You Do?
3. Self-Care
The element that attempts to elude us daily is self-care. Like a deer on the edge of the forest who suddenly stops eating and gets ready to bolt into the underbrush at the first sign of a challenge. Self-care is that all encompassing element of being ready to function effectively in a world that is constantly throwing obstacles our way. Eating well this week and proud of yourself…then ever notice that there seems to be at least three more ice cream shops on the way home from work than you remember from last week. Having a great week studying for that graduate class test on Friday…then ever notice how the sink starts to leak and the kids get sick on Thursday evening like clockwork?
This is the element that needs constant attention. It takes an awareness of oneself to slow down and ensure that we are eating right, getting enough sleep, exercising properly and at an appropriately difficult level, communicating with loved ones and filling their needs emotionally…and most importantly…working on our weaknesses as much or more than our strengths.
What Can I Do Better: Automate the savings portion of my pay raises. In the G, we usually get a cost of living adjustment (COLAs) annually (I say usually because certainly we’ve gone without in some years). We also may experience a step rate increase with the General Schedule (GS) levels. Either, or both, of these increases are something from which I can automate savings. To better avoid lifestyle-creep, it’s best if I pick a dollar figure from the increase and have it saved automatically as a scheduled event. Paying yourself first is simply a form of monetary self-care. Take care of yourself so you can take care of those you love. Automated savings will also help to later calculate one’s Savings Rate, but we’ll get to that a bit later.
What Can You Do?
4. Positive Relationships
Surround yourself with those who value you…because healthier equals wealthier. There’s no reason to stay too long in relationships (friends or otherwise) that bog you down. Life is simply too short. Positive, healthy relationships with those who you respect and value are essential to your, and their, well-being. The more you surround yourself with quality people that enrich your life, the happier and more productive you will be in carrying out your daily life and in giving back to enrich the lives of others.
What Can I Do Better: Having spent so many years dealing with the uglier side of life in the Marshals Service I have an uncommon appreciation for even the mundane positive interactions in life. I’ve spent so much time dealing with…let’s say…”difficult clients”…that even a barista that takes a few seconds to look up, make eye contact and crack a little smirk as a greeting while handing me a pumpkin-spiced latte makes my day (yea, I like those fall coffee flavors…don’t tell anyone).
What Can You Do?
5. Purpose
“To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.” – Aristotle
This is the inflection point in your life. Everything after it will help you align your money with your values. It is very simply…your “why”. You must attempt to recognize that you belong to something bigger than yourself, and you must strive to then shape your mindset and actions accordingly. You and yours are responsible for your family.
Deep down, you want to be better parents, better spouses and be confident in your money decisions. If you could retire early…let’s call it “work optional”…couldn’t you then live a life that you define. Instead of listening to all of the noise out there in the world, couldn’t you operate as your family’s CEO. I bet you could! There is a term called Financial Independence that gives us an idea for when work can become optional. Don’t worry, we’ll discuss it in more depth later. For now, know that your “why” likely starts at home, with your family and its values. Let’s align your money with those values…or as some say…align the checkbook with the calendar.
What Can I Do Better: Explore my “why” on a regular basis. I have a passion for helping federal law enforcement professionals, and their inner circle, with their personal finances. As a guide, I know I can help them adapt pragmatic strategies that better align their money with their life’s values. I need to do regular check-ins with myself to be sure that this fire-in-the-belly remains as my passion for serving these families. If ever I lose that edge, it may be time to alter the business…or move on.
What Can You Do?
Our firm believes deeply in 5 elements of resilience. We also believe your family will need to develop or sharpen this trait within yourselves because the world will throw a lot of financial “noise” at you. We collaborate with families who are willing to test their mettle and rise against the status quo of overconsumption, needless fears of missing out and confusing financial jargon. We believe our firm is the resilient signal amidst the noise.
